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  • Nurse Clampett
    Jesus's Favorite Nurse
    Forum Member
    • Jan 2009
    • 974
    #1411
    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

    Originally posted by Heathen_Basher View Post

    The person under me has more money than they know what to do with...
    False. Tithing is a good way too make sure that never happens.
    The person under me believes in magical underwear.
    Luke 5:31
    And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick

      Comment

      • Brother Enoch
        The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
        True Christian™
        • Jun 2008
        • 4392
        #1412
        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

        Originally posted by Nurse Clampett View Post
        False. Tithing is a good way too make sure that never happens.
        The person under me believes in magical underwear.
        False, I've never met a mormon, are they even real?

        Next: The person under me is worried their houseplants are plotting against them.

          Comment

          • Meek and Humble
            Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar
            Biblical Black Belt
            Jr. Pastor
            True Christian™
            • Dec 2008
            • 6197
            #1413
            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

            False. I don't own houseplants for that very reason...

            The person under me has a special spot in their high school year book.

              Comment

              • Emil Sledge
                struggling to make sense for Jesus
                Forum Member
                • Sep 2009
                • 257
                #1414
                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                Originally posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
                False. I don't own houseplants for that very reason...

                The person under me has a special spot in their high school year book.
                FALSE! I didn't finish high school but I'm getting my G.E.D. in a couple weeks! They don't have yearbooks, though.

                About them houseplants though...
                They can be where demon infestations start in some homes, especially in England. Plus, there are some, like orchids, that common house demons will use to put lusty and sinful thoughts in people's heads.

                Next: The person under me owns a djembe.
                GOT DEMONS? WE CAN HELP! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THEM ALONE! JESUS WANTS YOU TO BE RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE! LET US HELP YOU RIGHT AWAY!

                  Comment

                  • Rev. Jim Osborne
                    True Christian™ Televangelist
                    Director of Fundraising and Tithing
                    On the Look Out for Wife #6!
                    True Christian™
                    • Jun 2009
                    • 8622
                    #1415
                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                    Originally posted by Emil Sledge View Post
                    FALSE! I didn't finish high school but I'm getting my G.E.D. in a couple weeks! They don't have yearbooks, though.

                    About them houseplants though...
                    They can be where demon infestations start in some homes, especially in England. Plus, there are some, like orchids, that common house demons will use to put lusty and sinful thoughts in people's heads.

                    Next: The person under me owns a djembe.
                    Is that a negro? If so, false, because I don't own him...well practically in a way...I mean, he makes below minimum wage, so in a way, I kinda do...who knows?

                    Next: The person under me owns at least 10 King James Bibles.

                    Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                      Comment

                      • Meek and Humble
                        Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar
                        Biblical Black Belt
                        Jr. Pastor
                        True Christian™
                        • Dec 2008
                        • 6197
                        #1416
                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                        False, I have only one. All the others I distribute to atheists, heathens and other similiar scum to read, out of the goodness of my heart.

                        The person under me was recently in a car crash

                          Comment

                          • Rev. Jim Osborne
                            True Christian™ Televangelist
                            Director of Fundraising and Tithing
                            On the Look Out for Wife #6!
                            True Christian™
                            • Jun 2009
                            • 8622
                            #1417
                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                            Originally posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
                            False, I have only one. All the others I distribute to atheists, heathens and other similiar scum to read, out of the goodness of my heart.

                            The person under me was recently in a car crash
                            True! It happened yesterday, Friday the 13th. I was driving my Mercedes SL65 AMG and listening to the KJV on Freehold Satellite Radio, when I was prompted to whip out my Blackberry and text a message to Pastor Zeke about a great idea for next week's sermon, when lo and behold, *CRASH* right into the back of a formerly cute Dodge Neon.

                            The person below me walks towards the Golden Corral(tm) buffet dishes like a shark circling its prey.

                            Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                              Comment

                              • Pastor Ezekiel
                                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                 
                                • Sep 2006
                                • 78555
                                #1418
                                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                                The person below me walks towards the Golden Corral™ buffet dishes like a shark circling its prey.
                                Oh, sweet JESUS TRUE! Especially their biscuits and gravy!!


                                The person under me is suspicious of ravioli.
                                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                  Comment

                                  • Rev. Jim Osborne
                                    True Christian™ Televangelist
                                    Director of Fundraising and Tithing
                                    On the Look Out for Wife #6!
                                    True Christian™
                                    • Jun 2009
                                    • 8622
                                    #1419
                                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                    Oh, sweet JESUS TRUE! Especially their biscuits and gravy!!


                                    The person under me is suspicious of ravioli.
                                    Who is that? Sounds like some Catholic Italian, so true.

                                    The person below me has witnessed a bear maul a human to death.

                                    Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                                      Comment

                                      • Pastor Ezekiel
                                        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                         
                                        • Sep 2006
                                        • 78555
                                        #1420
                                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                        Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                                        The person below me has witnessed a bear maul a human to death.
                                        Oh, sweet JESUS! TRUE!! On more than one occasion!!

                                        The person under me has personally witnessed Christ's Miracles.
                                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                          Comment

                                          • Rev. Jim Osborne
                                            True Christian™ Televangelist
                                            Director of Fundraising and Tithing
                                            On the Look Out for Wife #6!
                                            True Christian™
                                            • Jun 2009
                                            • 8622
                                            #1421
                                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                            Oh, sweet JESUS! TRUE!! On more than one occasion!!

                                            The person under me has personally witnessed Christ's Miracles.
                                            True...I performed one of Christ's miracles, as He commanded to us in Matthew 10:8 "Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give." In Africa, I cured many people of AIDS and paralysis. It is proven because they have both donated heavily to my ministry....would an uncured person donate to me? Of course not.

                                            The person below me has accidentally drowned a person during baptism. Hey, accidents happen!

                                            Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                                              Comment

                                              • Pastor Ezekiel
                                                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                                 
                                                • Sep 2006
                                                • 78555
                                                #1422
                                                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                                                The person below me has accidentally drowned a person during baptism. Hey, accidents happen!
                                                False. It was more than one. Actually my first five Baptisms, but my father (Pastor Lamentations Flint) told me to shrug it off. All a part of the True Christian(tm) Pastor's life says he.



                                                The person under me KNOWS that Christ can heal nubile your girls of the sin of lezbeanism!
                                                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Lola Handcock
                                                    Forum Member
                                                    • Oct 2009
                                                    • 739
                                                    #1423
                                                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                    The person under me KNOWS that Christ can heal nubile your girls of the sin of lezbeanism
                                                    !

                                                    True,true all true I have seen Rev Osborne at work Praise Jesus


                                                    The person under me secretly wants to be the Pope!

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Pastor Ezekiel
                                                        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                                         
                                                        • Sep 2006
                                                        • 78555
                                                        #1424
                                                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                        Originally posted by Lola Sledge View Post
                                                        The person under me secretly wants to see the Pope be anally assaulted by every demon in hell for all eternity while he enjoys a cold beer up in Heaven with Jesus!
                                                        True! (typo corrected)


                                                        The person under me spends more time cleaning his weapons than he does reading the Holy Bible.
                                                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Mrs. Mary Whitford
                                                            Ladies of Landover Senior VP
                                                            One of the Truest Christians™ Ever
                                                            Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
                                                            True Christian™
                                                            • Dec 2006
                                                            • 12414
                                                            #1425
                                                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                                            The person under me spends more time cleaning his weapons than he does reading the Holy Bible.
                                                            False! First, I'm not a "he" (though I don't resent God for that as He needs good, pious baby-makers too). Second, my husband - Mr. Whitford - would give me the back of his hand if he caught me slacking in my Bible study, no matter how good the reason!

                                                            The person under me knows that the only good vegetarian is an ex-vegetarian.
                                                            Posted via Prayer

                                                            1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
                                                            Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

                                                            Blogging for CHRIST!
                                                            Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
                                                            All a-Twitter for Salvation!
                                                            Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
                                                            On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
                                                            My Ladies of Landover profile!

                                                              Comment

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