[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Last Christmas one of my star pupils gave me a calendar. Each month has a different scene featuring Jesus. They are all wonderful, but the one in which Christ bathes in His own blood is just a sight to behold. I behold it two or three times a week before bed! Glory hallelujah!


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[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Harry, that is so inspiring! It reminds me of one of my favorite prints I keep in the home (in the parlor where everyone can see it). It's called "Soaking In Glory," by Tamer and Cindy Elsharouni.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Harry, that is so inspiring! It reminds me of one of my favorite prints I keep in the home (in the parlor where everyone can see it). It's called "Soaking In Glory," by Tamer and Cindy Elsharouni.

Like manna from Heaven! What a stunningly beautiful picture. It makes my heart swell for love.

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

I think these pictures I've bought are just wonderful. They are so on the spot topical with these times we are living.

HEY UN! Wake up! Stop your silliness and turn to one GOD!



Don't worry Liberty bell! I'll protect you from Obama!

[alooneymoron]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Brethren,

I initially introduced this systematic method of art assessment based on four Godly criteria:

1. Craftsmanship and general quality
2. Compatibility with the Bible
3. Usefulness in a True Christian™ message
4. Potential risks of the image

I'd now like to add an important new criterion based on the historical developments during the last few months. Subject matter.

1 Corinthians 14:32
And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets.

As we now have new-found hope and - dare I say - the new and probably the last great prophet before the End of Times, it is only appropriate that great art has been produced depicting HIM. We've seen earlier that nor does Satan fail to meddle, as atheist demonic art has also been produced modelling this great person. We need not reproduce those vile images here. Let us concentrate on real high-quality artwork instead!



1. Craftsmanship and general quality

• Excellent proficiency of the visual art techniques. The background decorations are first class and obviously the subject matter is wonderful.

2. Compatibility with the Bible

• This conveys perfectly the Christian message of Great Kings and Great Prophets.
• Luke 7:26 - But what went ye out for to see? A prophet? Yea, I say unto you, and much more than a prophet.
• Verily, much more than a prophet. The Leader of the Free World and a Personal Friend of Christ, our Lord.

3. Usefulness in a True Christian™ message

• Very useful, shows in glory the man we should follow and revere. This leads children to obedience and subjugation.
• Romans 5:19 - For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

4. Potential risks of the image

• I can see quite a few True Christian™ women falling behind in their domestic chores as they'll spend hours before this image admiring and contemplating it.

Second painting. This one is initially confusing but do not let your prejudices regarding modern art (this one is impressionist abstract pop-art surrealism) distract you. Let us give this piece an unbiased assessment!



1. Craftsmanship and general quality

• Again, very skilled albeit not with quite as much virtuosity as in the first image.

2. Compatibility with the Bible

• Many critics have taken this piece as criticism targeted at the Donald. That is a mistake. This image is extremely Biblical. First of all, it associates the Donald with nutritive items of processed meats. You may ask where the message is. I say, this is the message:
• Matthew 4:4 - But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.
• Verily, not bread alone. We also need a Godly message. The Donald can provide us with that message. Of course, in addition to bread we also need processed meats (Genesis 9:3) which is taken into account in a delightful manner in this great piece of art!

3. Usefulness in a True Christian™ message

• Extremely useful by emphasizing the significance of the Word of God in the midst of gluttony and processed meats.

4. Potential risks of the image

• I can see quite a few True Christian™ women falling behind in their domestic chores as they'll spend hours before this image admiring and contemplating it.

I am utterly convinced that many more wonderful works of art, not only in the field of visual arts but also in the opera, theater, pantomime, weaving, comics and cinema. All the artists will soon take on the Donald as the subject matter and produce magnificent works that will lead millions into the warm embrace of Jesus!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

I believe the artist is suggesting that Donald Trumps head is hamlike.

[Basilissa]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

I believe the artist is suggesting that Donald Trumps head is hamlike.

Then you're mistaken, sweetie. Professor White has just given you the correct explanation for the meaning of this painting. (While some vile postmodernists like that dead dude Derrida would like you to believe that meanings are all in your head, they are, obviously, wrong).

[CultKitty98]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Ah, may I ask:
Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...

[Back against wall]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Ah, may I ask:
Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...

I don't know where in Hell you are looking for God young man but I know He is not there. Perhaps refine your search.

[CultKitty98]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

I don't know where in Hell you are looking for God young man but I know He is not there. Perhaps refine your search.

Forgive me. I have worded that badly.
I haven't searched yet, so I am just curious as to where many of you have found these works of Christ.
Forgive me, I am sorry.

[Back against wall]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

I am sorry.

I think you would be better making an apology for not taking the advice given to you, probably on more than one occasion, to go into the introduction forum, follow the guidelines and introduce yourself.

[Back against wall]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Ah, may I ask:
Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...

Adding; now that you have apologised for being typically dizzy. Most art I collect is from exclusive auctions. I haven't posted any here yet as they are priceless works of True Christian™ art and until I have my True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ installed into my new Home, I will not do so. Not with so much Unsaved Trash floating around here.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Ah, may I ask:
Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...

I pray, and the LORD brings them to my attention. If you genuinely desire to find praiseworthy works of art, simply pray.

Ask, and it shall be given you;
seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you
Matthew 7:7

If you are a True Believer in Christ™, the LORD will answer your prayer. Guaranteed.

And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
Matthew 21:22

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Brother Elmer, I do believe this painting is a Catty-lick image. Notice the giant sky vagina, that magical conduit that brings the catholic goddess from one place to another all around the world to appear on toast, in jars of peanut butter, and in mold on bathroom walls, according to the papist religion. I can't help but notice also the fruit on the tree. While the "artist" tries to camouflage its real identity in a soft, golden hue, it cannot be denied these are naught but various rectums crowding together. It's no wonder the Roman Catholic Church is so confused. I offer this to help people understand that just because a painting may look honoring to Christ Jesus, the Lord thy God, it isn't necessarily so. Those papists are a sneaky bunch, and they had dominated the world of art for a long time.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Brother Elmer, I do believe this painting is a Catty-lick image. Notice the giant sky vagina, that magical conduit that brings the catholic goddess from one place to another all around the world to appear on toast, in jars of peanut butter, and in mold on bathroom walls, according to the papist religion. I can't help but notice also the fruit on the tree. While the "artist" tries to camouflage its real identity in a soft, golden hue, it cannot be denied these are naught but various rectums crowding together. It's no wonder the Roman Catholic Church is so confused. I offer this to help people understand that just because a painting may look honoring to Christ Jesus, the Lord thy God, it isn't necessarily so. Those papists are a sneaky bunch, and they had dominated the world of art for a long time.

Dear Sister,

As I have never actually looked at my wife's cooter and never ever will and only touched it with that most unfortunate but fortunately quite insensitive part of my body and as rarely as I can waiting for the entry until the inevitable and slightly agonizing moment of release is upon me, I'll have to take your word for this.

Still, this is disgusting.

The colonic fruit also refer to the forbidden fruit and, once again, the harlot-like woman in the painting is striving for the fruit (Genesis 3:6), which, in this case - takes the form of the sodomistic trophy, the lower intestinal orifice, the anatomical location that all female AND male homers struggle to reach.

As such, this might work as a warning for our youngsters to never ever cherish the notion of abnormal pleasures, but I'd reserve this image only for our senior pastors to look at, in order to understand the state of despicable depravity that the world contains.

Leviticus 5:17
And if a soul sin, and commit any of these things which are forbidden to be done by the commandments of the LORD; though he wist it not, yet is he guilty, and shall bear his iniquity.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Titus Templeton]

Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

Why would a dog care if he goes to heaven? They are the same as homosexuals. They just care about sniffing butts.