X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #61
    Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

    Last Christmas one of my star pupils gave me a calendar. Each month has a different scene featuring Jesus. They are all wonderful, but the one in which Christ bathes in His own blood is just a sight to behold. I behold it two or three times a week before bed! Glory hallelujah!


    .
    Attached Files
    Slathered in the Fresh Hot Blood of the Infant Christ,
    -Youth Minister Harry Lester

    Comment


    • #62
      Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

      Harry, that is so inspiring! It reminds me of one of my favorite prints I keep in the home (in the parlor where everyone can see it). It's called "Soaking In Glory," by Tamer and Cindy Elsharouni.

      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

      Comment


      • #63
        Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

        Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
        Harry, that is so inspiring! It reminds me of one of my favorite prints I keep in the home (in the parlor where everyone can see it). It's called "Soaking In Glory," by Tamer and Cindy Elsharouni.

        Like manna from Heaven! What a stunningly beautiful picture. It makes my heart swell for love.
        Attached Files
        sigpic

        Tweet me Here
        My GODLY Bio Here

        Comment


        • #64
          Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

          I think these pictures I've bought are just wonderful. They are so on the spot topical with these times we are living.


          HEY UN! Wake up! Stop your silliness and turn to one GOD!



          Don't worry Liberty bell! I'll protect you from Obama!

          Comment


          • #65
            Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

            Originally posted by Elmer G. White View Post
            Brethren,

            I initially introduced this systematic method of art assessment based on four Godly criteria:

            1. Craftsmanship and general quality
            2. Compatibility with the Bible
            3. Usefulness in a True Christian™ message
            4. Potential risks of the image

            I'd now like to add an important new criterion based on the historical developments during the last few months. Subject matter.

            1 Corinthians 14:32
            And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets.


            As we now have new-found hope and - dare I say - the new and probably the last great prophet before the End of Times, it is only appropriate that great art has been produced depicting HIM. We've seen earlier that nor does Satan fail to meddle, as atheist demonic art has also been produced modelling this great person. We need not reproduce those vile images here. Let us concentrate on real high-quality artwork instead!



            1. Craftsmanship and general quality
            • Excellent proficiency of the visual art techniques. The background decorations are first class and obviously the subject matter is wonderful.

            2. Compatibility with the Bible
            • This conveys perfectly the Christian message of Great Kings and Great Prophets.
            • Luke 7:26 - But what went ye out for to see? A prophet? Yea, I say unto you, and much more than a prophet.
            • Verily, much more than a prophet. The Leader of the Free World and a Personal Friend of Christ, our Lord.

            3. Usefulness in a True Christian™ message
            • Very useful, shows in glory the man we should follow and revere. This leads children to obedience and subjugation.
            • Romans 5:19 - For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

            4. Potential risks of the image
            • I can see quite a few True Christian™ women falling behind in their domestic chores as they'll spend hours before this image admiring and contemplating it.


            Second painting. This one is initially confusing but do not let your prejudices regarding modern art (this one is impressionist abstract pop-art surrealism) distract you. Let us give this piece an unbiased assessment!



            1. Craftsmanship and general quality
            • Again, very skilled albeit not with quite as much virtuosity as in the first image.

            2. Compatibility with the Bible
            • Many critics have taken this piece as criticism targeted at the Donald. That is a mistake. This image is extremely Biblical. First of all, it associates the Donald with nutritive items of processed meats. You may ask where the message is. I say, this is the message:
            • Matthew 4:4 - But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.
            • Verily, not bread alone. We also need a Godly message. The Donald can provide us with that message. Of course, in addition to bread we also need processed meats (Genesis 9:3) which is taken into account in a delightful manner in this great piece of art!

            3. Usefulness in a True Christian™ message
            • Extremely useful by emphasizing the significance of the Word of God in the midst of gluttony and processed meats.

            4. Potential risks of the image
            • I can see quite a few True Christian™ women falling behind in their domestic chores as they'll spend hours before this image admiring and contemplating it.


            I am utterly convinced that many more wonderful works of art, not only in the field of visual arts but also in the opera, theater, pantomime, weaving, comics and cinema. All the artists will soon take on the Donald as the subject matter and produce magnificent works that will lead millions into the warm embrace of Jesus!




            Yours in Christ,

            Elmer

            I believe the artist is suggesting that Donald Trumps head is hamlike.
            Mark 13:22
            “For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”

            Comment


            • #66
              Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

              Originally posted by alooneymormon View Post
              I believe the artist is suggesting that Donald Trumps head is hamlike.
              Then you're mistaken, sweetie. Professor White has just given you the correct explanation for the meaning of this painting. (While some vile postmodernists like that dead dude Derrida would like you to believe that meanings are all in your head, they are, obviously, wrong).
              God created fossils to test our faith.

              * * *

              My favorite LBC sermons:
              True Christians are Perfect!
              True Christian™ Love.
              Salvation™ made Easy!
              You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
              Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
              Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
              Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
              Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
              The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
              Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
              God HATES Rational Thinking!
              True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

              Comment


              • #67
                Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                Ah, may I ask:
                Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...
                Romans 8:25 - But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].
                Jeremiah 17:7 - Blessed [is] the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
                Psalms 71:14 - But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.

                Comment


                • #68
                  Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                  Originally posted by CuteKitty98 View Post
                  Ah, may I ask:
                  Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...
                  I don't know where in Hell you are looking for God young man but I know He is not there. Perhaps refine your search.
                  Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                    Originally posted by Back against wall View Post
                    I don't know where in Hell you are looking for God young man but I know He is not there. Perhaps refine your search.
                    Forgive me. I have worded that badly.
                    I haven't searched yet, so I am just curious as to where many of you have found these works of Christ.
                    Forgive me, I am sorry.
                    Romans 8:25 - But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].
                    Jeremiah 17:7 - Blessed [is] the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.
                    Psalms 71:14 - But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                      Originally posted by CuteKitty98 View Post
                      I am sorry.
                      I think you would be better making an apology for not taking the advice given to you, probably on more than one occasion, to go into the introduction forum, follow the guidelines and introduce yourself.
                      Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                        Originally posted by CuteKitty98 View Post
                        Ah, may I ask:
                        Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...
                        Adding; now that you have apologised for being typically dizzy. Most art I collect is from exclusive auctions. I haven't posted any here yet as they are priceless works of True Christian™ art and until I have my True Christian 1611 Complete Security System™ installed into my new Home, I will not do so. Not with so much Unsaved Trash floating around here.
                        Ecclesiastes 1:18 - For in much wisedome is much griefe: and hee that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.


                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                          Originally posted by PrudePussy98 View Post
                          Ah, may I ask:
                          Where do you find these marvelous pieces? I am slightly afraid of looking and seeing something horrid...
                          I pray, and the LORD brings them to my attention. If you genuinely desire to find praiseworthy works of art, simply pray.

                          Ask, and it shall be given you;
                          seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you
                          Matthew 7:7


                          If you are a True Believer in Christ™, the LORD will answer your prayer. Guaranteed.

                          And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
                          Matthew 21:22
                          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                            Brother Elmer, I do believe this painting is a Catty-lick image. Notice the giant sky vagina, that magical conduit that brings the catholic goddess from one place to another all around the world to appear on toast, in jars of peanut butter, and in mold on bathroom walls, according to the papist religion. I can't help but notice also the fruit on the tree. While the "artist" tries to camouflage its real identity in a soft, golden hue, it cannot be denied these are naught but various rectums crowding together. It's no wonder the Roman Catholic Church is so confused. I offer this to help people understand that just because a painting may look honoring to Christ Jesus, the Lord thy God, it isn't necessarily so. Those papists are a sneaky bunch, and they had dominated the world of art for a long time.

                            Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                              Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                              Brother Elmer, I do believe this painting is a Catty-lick image. Notice the giant sky vagina, that magical conduit that brings the catholic goddess from one place to another all around the world to appear on toast, in jars of peanut butter, and in mold on bathroom walls, according to the papist religion. I can't help but notice also the fruit on the tree. While the "artist" tries to camouflage its real identity in a soft, golden hue, it cannot be denied these are naught but various rectums crowding together. It's no wonder the Roman Catholic Church is so confused. I offer this to help people understand that just because a painting may look honoring to Christ Jesus, the Lord thy God, it isn't necessarily so. Those papists are a sneaky bunch, and they had dominated the world of art for a long time.

                              Dear Sister,

                              As I have never actually looked at my wife's cooter and never ever will and only touched it with that most unfortunate but fortunately quite insensitive part of my body and as rarely as I can waiting for the entry until the inevitable and slightly agonizing moment of release is upon me, I'll have to take your word for this.

                              Still, this is disgusting.

                              The colonic fruit also refer to the forbidden fruit and, once again, the harlot-like woman in the painting is striving for the fruit (Genesis 3:6), which, in this case - takes the form of the sodomistic trophy, the lower intestinal orifice, the anatomical location that all female AND male homers struggle to reach.

                              As such, this might work as a warning for our youngsters to never ever cherish the notion of abnormal pleasures, but I'd reserve this image only for our senior pastors to look at, in order to understand the state of despicable depravity that the world contains.

                              Leviticus 5:17
                              And if a soul sin, and commit any of these things which are forbidden to be done by the commandments of the LORD; though he wist it not, yet is he guilty, and shall bear his iniquity.


                              Yours in Christ,

                              Elmer
                              2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



                              PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
                              Check out our Research in Creation Science:

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Re: The True Christian™ Art Critic - Assess your Favorite Jesus Pictures to Avoid HELL

                                Why would a dog care if he goes to heaven? They are the same as homosexuals. They just care about sniffing butts.
                                -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
                                -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
                                -Holocaust Jokes
                                -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
                                -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
                                -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
                                -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
                                -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X